Hindsight is 20/20. Reflecting is a great thing to do but it does bring guilt to life.👀
Walking the path of my history on purpose for the past week or so has been immensely growth inspiring for me. It has also been very guilt inspiring! ⚖️
It's super easy to own your past indiscretions in terms of the harm you have done personally; own them, learn and move forward with forgiveness for yourself. Where I struggle is the decisions that have led to a potential negative impact for my kids. 😔Who's with me?
The "what if's", the "wish I had/hadn't" can hit you in the gut hard!
If only I had the foresight to know that:
~ doing for them wasn't as big a help as I thought it would be
~ giving them more than I was given didn't help them appreciate what they do have
~ sheltering them from difficult situations wouldn't build resilience
~ my "fun nights drinking" were not so fun for them and impacted them emotionally
~ washing their clothes, bedding, home surfaces, bodies with the products I was taught to use would contribute to their respiratory issues
~ my ignorance of my poor mental health would would impact them in soooo many areas
~ my cooking quick, easy, lazy dinners would lead to poor eating habits
~ my anxiety would install fear of experiencing natural life experiences
~ healing myself before having children would have made their lives so much better
~ listening to my intuition would have made a huge difference for them
And does any of this matter now? Nope! What does it mean? It means that I am exactly like any other parent in the universe. I made decisions that impacted my children negatively. My kids are wonderful despite my decisions, they are exactly who they were meant to be on their own journeys. They have growth and learning ahead just like everyone else. We are all products of our upbringing and personal decision making; the good, the bad and the ugly.
I let myself feel the guilt and opened myself up to my own criticism and attacks. I couldn't pretend it wasn't there. And the reality is we all have our own journey. Mine brought me to this place, where I am right now. Now I know better so I can intentionally do better. Will I continue to make mistakes? Well you're damn right I will because I am just as imperfect as you are.
My dad once told me "You are no better than anyone and nobody is better than you"; and when he said that to me he was referring to a man that had done horrible things to our family that we were struggling to cope with. He gave him forgiveness and accepted him as equal and human. This was a very powerful message for me.
As we are learning during this chaotic time; we are simply human and we are all in this together, we always have been.
There is no benefit in judgement of yourself or others. Accept each other, honour our equality. Let the noise be outside. Forgive yourself, forgive others.